Don't! Panic at no Cucho

A lot’s changed in Columbus. Like a lot a lot.

Which has us wondering: How are y’all feeling heading into this weekend? Are you hoping or coping?

Us? We’re not so sure.

Though we've had a lot of ups and downs through the years, lately it's been mostly ups. So much so, the Crew-pessimist in us keeps waiting for our true Charlie Brown moment. Is now when Lucy finally yoinks the ball away and we fall to our humiliated defeat?

Maybe?

Nah.

Even if this upcoming season is giving big meh energy. Even if the decision to move the Inter Messi home game two hours away is still so bafflingly dumb and tone deaf it haunts us in our sleep. Even if losing Cucho and Ramirez makes sense but is still pure, unadulterated Bantha doo-doo.

Even if 30 seasons and it sometimes feels like the club’s still figuring out that its best asset is its fans.

Besides, this ain't the time for moping anyway. Crewsmas is nearly upon us! So, let's inject some tactical hopium into this optimism cocktail, shall we? After all, we're Crew fans and we're massive and we’ve weathered far worse (remember that case of PSV the antibiotics wouldn’t kill? shudders).

Here are 30 reasons we’re hyped for Season 30.

1. 30 years of Crew: We're celebrating three decades of Black and Gold! That's a legacy, baby. A legacy of grit, passion, and questionable fashion choices in the Nordecke.

   Amid all the hullabaloo this offseason, it behooves us to be a little more bullish on the Crew. We’ve got a long way to go still, but damn have we come a long way already.

2. And anyway, we’re still No. 1: At least according to the all-knowing CONCACAF gods. That’s gotta count for something, no?

3. Home-field advantage: Speaking of, Lower.com Field is a legit fortress now. The atmosphere is as consistently electric as ever, and construction’s underway on an expansion. In Season 30, it’s sellouts all the way down.

4. The "Prove Them Wrong” factor: Look, people and pundits are sleeping on the Crew (probably). At least one Crew Instagram “fan” account has the team finishing 10th in the Eastern Conference. That's fuel. Use that disrespect, turn it into motivation, and prove 'em all wrong.

5. Nancy's magic: Impossible is an opinion, right? Don’t count Nancy out. He’s nothing if not a master of evolution. That doesn’t mean massive leaps from year to year, but incremental progress adds up. Another year under Nancy means another year of mastery for the lads. We know what to expect, and so do the players.

6. Nagbe's leadership: The General is still holding it down, bringing experience and composure to the squad. The man simply wins. You willing to count against him?

7. The return of The Open Cup: The country’s oldest soccer tourney is back in MLS. Can’t wait to turn up for the Capys against NY Renegades FC, the “best team in New York.”

8. CONCACAF Champions Cup dreams: A chance to test ourselves against the best in the region and to fill out the trophy cabinet a bit more? Yes, please.

9. MLS is wide open: Anything can happen in this league of parity. #neverforget

10. Eastern Conference chaos: Same goes for the East. The East is always a bloodbath — can FCC stay afloat sans Lucho? — but that means opportunity.

11. In Issa We Trust: Sure, Issa is no Bez but he’s Bez’s mentor and is, most importantly, in sync with Nancy. He has our trust for now.

12. We still don’t have PSV: ngl it never gets old dunking on Anthony.

13. New signings: Wish there was more to report here, but it’s easy to forget there’s still some fresh blood in the squad, players who are ready to prove themselves and fight for their place. Chambost, Dejuan, AZ, Lassi. We suspect these under-the-radar new-ish signings are going under the radar.

14. Pushing with a new DP: You can have your fall football days at the Shoe. For our money, few things are as exhilarating end-to-end as a fall day with the Crew as they’re catching fire and torching the league with a 10-game streak.

    With the ultimate goal in MLS being to make the playoffs. Once you're in, anything can happen. Momentum is key. Build momentum heading into the postseason and you're dangerous.

    Buying a DP just before that push seems like a good way to maximize that mo’.

15. Spine-tingling consistency: The spine of the Crew is largely untouched from the heights of a few short months ago. The head may be gone in Cucho, but the spine — from Patrick to Rudy, Stephen and Malte to Nagbe and Sean — is there, and this consistency tends to bode well in MLS.

    The latter two can control the tempo with the best in the league. It's about dictating play, winning second balls, and shielding the backline. Midfield dominance = control of the game. Basic stuff.

16. Dinin’ on wings: Nancy has a ridiculous warchest of wingbacks to tap into this year. Max, Dejuan and Farsi are among the best in the league. Defenses are gonna have nightmares and Crew forwards are gonna feast.

17. Jacen’s leap: You heard it here first: Jacen’s gonna make a LEAP this year.

18. NorOnTour: Away games are so fun, the Crew front office decided to turn the most-anticipated home game of the year into another one. This honestly started as a not-joke, because the NorOnTour is fun. Don’t let the FO ruin this!

19. The Crew’s marketing: OK, so the ‘C’ logo still isn’t beloved, and Crew Cat’s makeover left a bit to be desired, but all in all, we’ve been impressed by the level-up. From the use of hot-dog-eating, Waldo-lookalikes to the inclusion of Spanish-language content, from community outreach via mini tifos to engaging local fashion designers, the club seems to actually, you know, give a frick about filling the stadium.

20. Pipa’s return: The academy has produced some serious talent in recent years and won its own hardware, too. Can’t wait to see how Pipa (and Josh Williams!) contributes but most importantly, it just feels right to have him back in black and gold.

21. Who’s who in the Crew: This 30th season promises loads of opportunities for throwback fun. One FO tease? A who’s who of Crew alumni.

22. Commemorative tickets: Cash grab or not, we’re hyped about this nostalgia train offering fans the chance to reclaim commemorative tickets from years of yore. Now, if only season ticket holders could get those physical ticket books like they used to.

23. Homegrown hope: Several Capys are knocking on the door. Word is more than a dozen, in fact, have represented their countries at the youth level. Local talent breaking through? That's the dream. It's good for the club, good for the city, good for the soul.

24. The Goosebump kits: We think it’s dope! So there, haters. Now, if only the Crew’ll install some blacklight/UV lights in LDCF to truly see the kits and/or beanies come to life, maybe even during this year’s Hell is Real home game. (That’s still in Columbus, yeah?)

25. Dill pickle tots. Also new on the menu this season: strawberry cream nachos and an ELT (eggplant, lettuce, tomato) sammie.

26. Merch madness: Gotta look fresh repping the black and gold, and there’s thankfully not a shortage of ways to rep these days if you don’t like dope glow-in-the-dark-style jerseys. We have our eyes on Supporter Supply’s battlevest.

27. It's soccer: At the end of the day, it's unpredictable. That's why we love it. Anything can happen. Upsets happen. Miracles happen. Why not us? Why not now? Why not again?

28. ‘Wise Men’: Singing "Wise Men" with your mates after a win? Priceless. Damn, we miss you pricks!

29. Being in community again: Seriously though, being a Crew fan is about more than just the game. It's about the community. The roar of the crowd, the pandemonium on the field. That moment when a player you least expect scores a screamer and you’re suddenly covered in beer?

    Pure joy. Nothing beats it in Columbus. Truly.

30. We're the Crew: We could be FCC. Enough said.

Now go out there and support our damn team. And maybe lay off the Cutwaters at halftime this year. Just sayin'.